feelin down

Today, I don't know why, I just feel as if I am just waisting my time in what I'm doing. I think I should be here, but the events seems to point to otherwise. Sometimes I wonder if I have a different calling, whether it be to another school, or maybe to another profession. I don't know what to make of the year thus far. It has just been one dissapointment after another. I wish I could remember and dwell on some great thing that has happened, but I can't. I just can't seem to get away from the idea that I'm not in the right place right now. Its so hard to fight the doubt sometimes. I hate it when doubt overtakes me. I just wish God would send something to reassure me of my path or at least show me where I need to be going.

Loving despite our nature

It just hit me, for the hundredth time in a lifetime, God loves me. Its just amazing. I sin, I am sinful, I am dirty, but God just wanted me. He created me for Him, so he just flat desires me. God sent his son. His son, think, apart of Him came down to dwell with us. He died, just for us. Bam, salvation as we know it was born. I accepted it and all my sins are gone. God looks at me now, chases me, and I allow Him to catch me, to hold me, and to teach me things I have never in my life begun to imagine. He has done that for my family too. My fellow christians were sinners. Most still commit attrocious sins. I am still able to love them. Is this not amazing? How can I? Honestly, I cannot. My fleshly love is very limited. Yet, the Spirit is willing to love. Since I have recieved the spirit, I can find unending love and give it to all. I cannot deny part of my body. I also cannot deny those people which God desires for himself. It is hard to describe the anatomy of this love. Not even marriage seems to be sufficient. Yes, marriage seems to be inadequate as a description of the love of God and how he bestows it upon us. It is simply amazing. Its all apart of open and public confessing of sins to God and those who love God. In that we find that our sins die and our love grows. Its so hard to imagine that in giving up our freedoms and seeking the security of another's freedoms, we actually become free, but it is so simply understood when you experience it.

Tomorrow

I started thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow, the day that never seems to get here. What if tomorrow someday arrived. Try to imagine that, without hurting yourself. What would we do, what would we say? Would we just pretend it was today and say that we would do it tomorrow? Would we act like there was so much time and so much to do, I will do that later? It is sad to think in such a way. Today we seem to think that by grasping a hold of tomorrow we will control all time. But what about today? Today is the time of extreme importance. We have no guarantee that will go to college, then get a doctorate, get married of two children, and the retire in Sunny Valley. Our time is now. How can we even worry? Can we not trust got with our checking account? Can we not live out our day as if there was no tomorrow, for there is no tomorrow to lose? This point brings up another point, living for each other. I can see now, that complete individual independence is impossible and impractical. It is also unbiblical. There is the notion of complete surrender to God which can turn into surrender to others. Are we doormats? Are we dirt? I can answer that it is questionably so depending on the circumstance. It depends in that we must be willing. This does not necessarily mean wanting to be the doormat, which is cause for psychological help of some degree, but willingness. Willigness is the denial of what a true human would want considering the circumstance. That want must be put on the back burner. We come into the church wanting to control, we enter into relationships wanting love. That is purely human. Human love, however, is prone to hate when it approaches resistance. This means that if we are denied our dreams for the church or do not recieve the love we want, then our hearts turn dark. This moment is a good time for the allowance of Godly love, which is all loving and all sacrificing for the will of God first, and the Body of Christ and other individual believers second. This is quite a concept of seizing the day. To truely remember that we must be servants when called upon is truely contradictory to what America believes. Maybe it is time to question and possibly contradict the American culture and the World in order that our Body(the Universal Church) may strong and uncompromising in the Truth.

Where are our priorities

I just got to thinking about the minimum situation. It dawned on me that it has been unjust for the person working close to minimum wage and trying to keep up with the standard of living. Those of us who can make an average wage or are well taken care of. I may sound very liberal when I say this, but raise the minimum wage for now while we find a way to lower the cost for the current standard of living. I hear concern about our economy and businesses, but how do we find comfort in sacrificing individuals for the good of the machine. Why do we not try to take care of those who need care. Giving them a way out. It is not good to worry about our economy when our neighbors cannot find a decent way to live. This is probably from our want to obtain money. But what about obtaining the more important things in life, such as friendship, respect, love, etc. The american dream has today been interpreted into making it big in life, getting a huge swiss bank account, and resulting a lack of moral respect is irrelevant to today. This is a long way from the revolution which fought against this idea in the first place. Even our own government has been greedy, they get off with 27,000 dollars for their services when some struggle to make that in a year. Wasn't the government meant to aid the people and not screw them. We are supposed to be able to trust the government to protect our rights and pursuit of happiness, which is found in life and liberty and not the pursuit of the big green slip of paper. We need to let go of that value. This does not mean giving up money completly, I believe money can serve the people if spent wisely, but Americans, as our government has shown, money has become the standard of living, or worse, it has defined life as we know it, which is bad. Now we have a society starved for money. It's natural for us to be so selfish. It is possible to see selfishness in every sin we commit. If not, then can we really call the act sinful. Sin has to be more than just the act, but it must include the passion behind the act. If I lied to protect myself, than I have defied the core of all Holy living. If I lie to protect people from harm, then I have completed the second law. We all should know that God desires mercy, not sacrifice when it comes to other people. Let us think on these things as we continue on this race to love God more than ourselves and to love others like we all love ourselves.